Failed to be Normal

 

 

I saw this post on 'The Indian Idiot' yesterday and I could not relate to it more. I used to feel I was the only one who felt like she didn’t fit in but as I got to know people a lot more, got closer to them I realized we all feel like the odd one out somewhere. Every time I had a conversation with someone that gave me a gist of who they are I could not help but get fascinated by them. People are different and as cliché, as this may sound we’re all different yet we’re all trying to fit into this box of how one ‘should be’ instead of embracing how one 'already is' and who they 'wish to be'. I remember feeling like an alien at parties, everyone is drinking, smoking and as much as I want to be there with a glass or making smoke rings I’m just not. So naturally, I feel alien.  I don’t hate drinking or smoking don’t get me wrong, I just enjoy guava or cranberry juice more and some beer amongst the adult drinks. I tried smoking. I tried the thinnest cigarette one could find and after I was done with it, my chest felt so heavy I felt like someone was standing on it and my boobs were coming out my back. Okay, I exaggerated a little bit, but I did feel heavy and the picture on the packet freaked me out. But see that’s the thing, am I wrong for not enjoying what everybody is right now? Am I wrong for not being ready for what everybody my age is right now? Am I weird? Well, yeah I am, but you know what I mean. We’re at this stage where we’re growing up, figuring life out.
As I look back I realize our lives change drastically. When I was thirteen, it was all about the gigantic hair puffs, boyfriends, first kisses,  folding skirts and periods now it’s about, getting a job, finding your group of people, becoming the best version of you figuring out whether or not you truly like Justin Bieber or you’re just humming along because everyone is.
Every time I listen to my friends’ crazy stories I wish I was with them, experiencing life that way. I wish I had crazy stories to tell my kids. But, every time I am close to doing something badass or rebellious, I get so anxious and realize I am not that person. I just can’t do it. To put it in simpler words I have come to terms with the fact that I am a big fat phattu.
What I am trying to say is, we all have our quirks, strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, trauma, and a shit load of embarrassing moments so why not just let people do whatever they what to do. Live the way they want to, let them have their own opinion. I once read “be who you’re and the right people will find you and stay.” Well, that happened!
I’ll be honest, I’d rather bond with people over their weirdest quirks and join in than indulge in small talk. I don’t care where you’re doing an internship, tell me about the fake scenarios you make in your head. So if I had to write a ‘Myself’ composition today, it would go something like this….
Hi my name is Janhavi
I am a nineteen-year-old, who looks young and wonders if she is yet to hit puberty.
If somebody installed a hidden camera in my room, they’d think I talk to ghosts because I have hardcore conversations with myself.
I used to write letters to my future kids when I was seven. I was trying to make a time capsule.
I have decided what my proposal is going to look like because I don’t want my future husband screwing it up. He can go ahead with something else as long as it’s a better idea than mine. My sister will be a judge of that.
Well, here are some weird facts about me, and as cringey or crazy as I may sound I am okay with being this way. I hope you let your true selves out and let the world see your kickass, fascinating personalities because, in the end, we’re all stories that deserve to be read. Being understood is a luxury, not a necessity. But, one can only try their best to understand you better and that's a blessing in itself. 😚