Jitters

 

Hello Hello you wonderful readers! 

This is probably going to be a diary entry. Just a whole bunch of thoughts I haven't said out loud. 

I am moving to a new city. My first program got over so now, moving on to the next. I am nervous, excited and a little sad. So much has happened and has changed in the last eight months, all for the better, I have met some incredible people I don't want to let go of and it felt like I had settled down, just a little bit.

I like change, but my life hasn’t changed so drastically. I always had people to fall back on and when you’re moving, it reminds you, you are on your own kid. I will embrace it in due time, it’s just an uncomfortable feeling to settle with and it takes time. 

Do you ever crave stability? I crave stability. I try to think why, but the only answer I could think of was, I like to be in control and I struggle with letting go. Sometimes it just feels like, if everything was the same and nothing changed, I would be familiar with the hurt that would follow. I know it isn’t the healthiest way to think about life, but sometimes, sometimes, you just want safety. A lifejacket. That life jacket for me sometimes, is - familiarity. 

I feel how life is helping me grow up. It is liberating and empowering but I can’t help but ask for time to slow down a little. Take me back to some memories I could live out over and over again. I also smile at how adaptable us humans are. When something is difficult and new to us we often try to figure it out and get so caught up in the journey, we don’t look at how far we have come. So if you’re reading this, look back, look back at everything you have overcome, look back at time, look back and realize how much of a boss you’ve been and be proud of yourself. 

I guess, eight months down the line, I am going to look back at this very moment and feel proud, probably preparing myself for the next big change. 

Sometimes I wish, life came with a manual, or life came with someone to tell us what to do next and it would always be the best choice ever, I guess that’s when our faith comes into place too. It’s faith that someone is looking out for you and the whole concept of uncertainty just becomes easier. I’ll be honest, I have had a ton of episodes of loneliness and the only thing that kept me going was having faith that no matter what, I will be fine at the end of it. And look, here I am, sitting on my bed, almost about to eat chole bhature trying to stay awake for a meteor shower. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, if you’re feeling anxious about the future, you’re not alone. Have faith sweet pea, it will work out in the most magical of ways. 

 

P.S. Something magical is happening today, and i am sure, a lot of miracles are coming your way.